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Jokes

 

Below are a selection of the best dog jokes we know. Please submit any good ones we are missing in the box on the right hand side and we will publish these and credit them to you.

 

Q: Why do Retrievers constantly have their nose to the floor and eat everything?

A: 100 years ago a retriever missed breakfast and they’ve been ensuring ever since that this never ever happens again.

 

An old lady visits the vet with a dead hamster in a cage. She asks the vet if there is anything he can do. He tells her no and that the hamster is dead and then charges her £30. The old lady says that money is no problem and asks if the vet could do anything further, so the vet says he will run some tests.

He opens the side door and whistles for Rover to come and have a sniff. Rover sniffs around the furry creature then looks up at his master, shakes his head and trots off. The vet then opens the serving hatch and calls for Smokey the resident feline to inspect the hamster. Smokey paws the hamster, pushing it around on the table but gets no reaction so walks away.

The vet turns to the old lady and says, “After extensive testing it’s definitely the case that the hamster is dead. That will be £430.”

The old lady is somewhat taken aback by the cost and asks how the vet made this up. The vet replied, “Well the cost of the lab report and the cat scan are significantly discounted to keep the price so low.”

 

A doberman, a border collie and a retriever go for a job interview at a cheese factory. They were each asked why they should be hired. The answers for each were as follows:

Doberman - I will keep order and patrol outside in the grounds to make sure no unauthorised persons enter

Border Collie -  (I) I’ll check everyone in, (ii) I’ll check all the production, (iii) I’ll keep everyone working, (iv) They’ll be no unauthorised breaks, (v) I’ll check everyone out

Retriever - I...um really like the yellow one

Tell us your favourite jokes